I like how instead of knocking on my door, my sister scratches it, because she knows I get startled easily. I like how I have a walk in closet, so I can sit alone with my lights off. I like how lovely it feels to submerge myself underwater, it’s quiet and I feel no pain in my joints. I like a lot of little things.

This year, my highs were so high and my lows were the lowest. I felt unstable with how much my views on myself fluctuated. I could never come to a conclusion.

I’m a terrible person.

I’m a living goddess.

I have made no contribution to this world.

I love myself.

On my low days, I’d sit anxiously in a trance of self pity and unhappiness. I decided to list little reasons to persevere. I started thinking about moments in my life where I felt genuinely happy. About things I love about my life. About people I love. My peaceful closet, the silent water, my sister, and how grateful I am for every positive thing/ person in my life.

Right now, I’m not at a place where I can come to a conclusion on myself. But I’ve grown enough to know I deserve more credit than I’ve given myself. Looking back at the things that make me happy helps me appreciate what I have. Looking back at my timeline, makes me proud of how far I’ve come. I like the person I am slowly becoming and I know my past self would admire the person I am now.

I love Zayna, look at how much she’s grown.