I realized during quarantine that my routine has changed a lot. Nowadays I struggle with waking up and managing my time wisely. All I want to do is draw and play guitar but I still have school and homework. Although I don’t really need to do my homework since my grades were fine before the quarantine, I still choose to do my homework anyways. It’s not really a sense of duty or anything like that, I just don’t have anything else to do. I know that if I draw or play music for a long period of time, I’ll get bored of it or I’ll be really stressed out. I do homework because it doesn’t really stress me out and I feel smarter when I do it. Surprisingly quarantine has made me enjoy learning a bit more than I used to. Even though I wake up at around 3 to 4 p.m everyday, the first activity I do when I wake up is: homework. I learned a lot of life lessons throughout quarantine too because I had a lot of time to think over my life and what I wanted to do with it.

Other than doing my homework everyday, I draw a bit here and there digitally. Honestly drawing is even more stressful than homework but I love drawing because even though it is stressful, sometimes it can be my only escape from reality. Speaking of reality, I used to deny or hate my reality. I hated everything, myself, everyone around me, literally “everything.” To this day I don’t know why I felt such strong feelings of resentment towards everything but it’s not something I’m ashamed of anymore. The time that I spent thinking over my problems during quarantine has taught me a lot about life, especially how short it is.

Before quarantine I used to think that everyday was boring and that it was the same. I would have thoughts like: “Am I going to live like this for the rest of my life?”, “Oh, it’s another boring lesson”, or “Why am I alive?” I didn’t really care much about anything and the only thing that mattered to me was having fun. But now that I’ve kind of grown out of that mindset, I ask myself questions like “Who am I? Who do I look up to? Who do I want to become? and Will I be remembered?” I used to have “miserable” thoughts but now I have thoughts about the future and what I want to be. I used to care a lot about what other people thought of me and I used to be very insecure. I’m still insecure but at least I’m not denying it anymore. Life is short. I only have one shot at life and I can either live miserably complaining about how bad it is or I can live everyday as if it was my last day. I now know that regardless of who I am or who I will become in the future, I will cherish myself and all the relationships that I’ll build along the way. I’m only sixteen and I don’t really know much about “life” itself but I do know that everyone is searching for their own form of true happiness.

I’ve been walking on this really crooked, bumpy, and cracked up road called “life.” I may have fallen a few times, gotten frustrated, felt depressed, met a few people, left a few people, had a few people leave me, but it’s all okay. Even though this road is unpredictable and very bumpy, it’s perfect in it’s own way because a smooth road would be really boring to walk on. I’ll probably be reading this in a few years cringing about how cheesy I sound but regardless, these thoughts that were typed out did come from my sixteen year old brain.