Dear Me,

As lonely as you are, it’s still just a tad weird to be writing a letter to yourself don’t you think? But I get it, I think the most important things you need to hear right now have to come from yourself. Even if you do hate me, won’t you listen to what I have to say?

It’s going to be okay.

You weren’t expecting anything profound were you? We both know creativity isn’t my strong suit, so don’t expect anything more than that. Though, not that anything more needs to be said. Just these simple words that no one else could make you believe, a comfort you can never truly accept. These words bounce inside your head like a fly heading straight into a clean window and you can never catch it. Words that weigh nothing on your tongue when you try to say them yourself.

You need to hear this the most, more than you think. Even if it seems like a white painting you’ll never see, there is still some obscure part of you that still hopes. That belief, that want, is what matters. It means you still want to try. Stare at yourself longer. I know you hate the mirror, but if you just try a little, maybe you’ll start to see the different shades of white. Sometimes, you have to do something you hate just to find something you love.

I know, this period in your life might feel so important. These are the golden years, they say. Make the most of it, they say. But it all just looks like pyrite to you and maybe you are the fool. However, you know that’s not true. I know you hate how much your childhood dictates your future, so don’t let it. This doesn’t define you, your worth is not just in grades, your trauma does not mean you’re a bad person, and you do not have to live up to the unrealistic expectations you’ve had all your life anymore.

If right now doesn’t seem like it’s worth living, then wait until it is. What’s a few more years when you’ve lasted this long already, right?

Love,

Me.