It goes without saying that this past year has taken a toll on pretty much everyone. But one of the most prominent struggles that I’ve heard of from many people over all this time has been, in short, the feeling that you wasted the past year, or that you were robbed of a year of high school (although I always find the usage of the word “robbed” to be a bit overdramatic). While I understand that that feeling can be terrifying and anxiety-inducing, especially because I too felt that way, I see things much differently now. 

As the school year has started to close out and teachers start to assign less and less work, I’ve been doing a lot more self-reflection. Nothing crazy though. No enormous existential revelations or groundbreaking epiphanies or anything. I’ve also been doing a lot of heavy thinking about how life is going to look in a few months. 

I came to the conclusion that no matter what your circumstances were this year, you still spent way more time alone than normal. And whether you realize it or not, I bet you learned a lot more about yourself than you would have if life were normal. More specifically, I don’t think it’d be as easy to make memories with yourself if you were having social contact everyday, which can get overwhelming and exhausting sometimes. 

I can say that I’ve made lots of memories with myself over this past year and three months, which is super weird to admit because if you had asked me what it means to make memories with yourself before covid hit I probably would’ve laughed in your face. I’ve never been the type of person who hates being alone, but even the enjoyable moments that I spent by myself pre-covid weren’t really something that I would’ve considered memorable. 

Don’t fact check me on this but I’m pretty sure that there’s some evolution-based branch of psychology that talks about how it’s in our primitive instinct as humans to keep ourselves busy as a coping mechanism for being alone so that we don’t go insane, which kind of relates to my situation. Ironic how talking to yourself and spending an excessive amount of time alone is often considered a red flag for insane behavior. But in this case, I think it keeps us from going insane. 

Not only have I made some memories with myself, but more importantly, I learned more about myself just by spending time alone and having time to think. Like totally random stuff! My likes and dislikes, my values, new jokes, my wants, potential baby names, my future, movies that I’d like to watch, reminiscing about the past, some dumb inventions I could take to Shark Tank, reevaluating my opinions on certain things, my fashion and music tastes, the list goes on! I’ve just gotten to know myself more as a person and not…as myself. It’s like stepping outside of myself and seeing all the aspects of myself that make me who I am, and every aspect is just woven around my body, like a spider web or cocoon of some sort. 

Having spent all this time alone making memories with myself and learning more about myself has not only been a fulfilling experience overall, but I really do think it’ll help me in the long run when I’m ever faced with making personal decisions- whether they’re big or small. Not only that, but I feel like the more you get to know yourself, the more it prepares you for your life ahead. Although this year was incredibly draining, I can not and will never look back on it and think of it as a “wasted year.” I’m so grateful that I got to spend enough time getting to know myself, making memories with myself, and being more comfortable just being alone. I hope after reading this and letting it marinate in your brain juices, you’ll feel this way too.