I keep telling myself that I’ve done the best that I can.

I’ve passed all my classes under quarantine and have accomplished many things. I haven’t been slacking off and I’ve tried to stay motivated this year.

I’m just so tired. AP European History and Chemistry knocked the wind out of me, and I’m slowly compressing under the other expectations and extracurriculars required of me.

I hope that I can look back this year and say I’ve learned something. My parents told me that I’ve learned how to manage my time, how to prioritize certain things over others, and to stay motivated. And I have. But those lessons don’t seem worth it at the cost of an entire year of stress and burnout.

In my AP Euro test, one of the sources I had to analyze was a Romantic poet explaining how schools are directly responsible for decreasing the creativity in students by only focusing on academic subjects. A bit too on the nose there. I wonder if College Board could see the irony in their documents.

I learned a new phrase this year: it’s Japanese but it translates to Revenge Bedtime Procrastination. It’s the idea that one stays up late because they feel they don’t have control over their life in the day, so they find freedom in doing what they want at night. This comes at the cost of sleep deprivation, which ironically (and unfortunately) will lead to a decreased feeling of control in life.

So yes, I’m doing my best, but I still need some rest.

Back to the title. What have I learned? I’ve mainly learned not to put my eggs into too many baskets, and to work to manage stress better. Times like these are sure to come again, and I need to develop coping mechanisms to work better under similar conditions.

What helps me is making lists. Lists of what I need to do and what I want to do when the former list has been completed. It puts everything into perspective: I’m capable of doing what needs to be done and what I want to do isn’t far out of reach. And of course, checking in with friends and family to see if they’re doing okay is important.

When I can’t sleep at night, I like to go outside and just look at the stars. It’s incredibly calming, and it helps to put things into perspective. Cosmically, everything is insignificant- even massive black holes are small compared to the billions that exist. Therefore, if nothing matters, then everything that we deem valuable does matter. This too, shall pass, and there’s no use fretting over it if you haven’t done one thing or did too many things.

I suppose most people will see this during the summer, but I think what I’ve said still holds up. While summer can be seen as an opportunity to get ahead with jobs and summer classes and extracurriculars, it is much more vital to take care of one’s mental health. I haven’t been prioritizing that at all this year, and I know many haven’t either.

To quote Ferris Bueller: “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” Academic life is often very competitive, and many prioritize having the highest grades or the most extracurriculars over time for friends, family, or self. Taking breaks can actually help in making one more productive: they feel they have more control over their life, which in turn lessens Revenge Bedtime Procrastination. Burnout is also less likely, as overworking often leads to it.

So whether you’re in school or out, remember to take time for yourself and catch up with loved ones you haven’t seen in a while. You deserve it. Especially if you haven’t done everything you wanted to.