Dear 10 Year Old Me,

Oftentimes this year I’ve wondered what you would think if you could see me now. Most of the time I thought you would be horrified, and you might have been, but I also think you’d be proud. 

Since I was you I have learned to play the flute, this instrument you chose to play when you were around 5. I stopped playing Violin because I was terrible and I wanted to play flute, but I still play piano. I’ve gotten good enough on flute to play in the middle school and high school Honor Band. You’d be shocked if you could hear me play now. I’ve also gotten way better at piano and don’t cry during lessons now. I love to play Sonatinas and I love being able to play things by memory. The thing I learned this year about music is that practice goes a long way, and the advice I want to give you is don’t have a bad attitude going into lessons.

I discovered I’m better at math than A—, and if you could know that maybe you would have avoided the inferiority complex you’re going to have in middle school, and still sometimes feel, but you’re going to take a summer math class and end up ahead of him in that subject. There are things he’ll always be better at and sometimes your own talents feel worthless but remember that you do have value no matter what you think of yourself. 

I don’t know when you’ll decide this but at some point in middle school you’ll decide that you’re bad at art. I wish someone could have told you that wasn’t true, and maybe they did and you didn’t believe them. You’ve been told all throughout elementary school that you are talented and for some reason you stop believing this, so much so that I can see that I’m good at art and still doubt it when people tell me that the painting looks good. The thing I learned this year about art is that just because it won’t be your career doesn’t mean it’s not worth doing. You don’t need to drop a skill simply because it won’t make you money.

One of the hardest problems you will face is losing your best friend. I don’t mean school friends, cause you lose them every time you switch schools, but the best friend that has stayed friends with you no matter what school you go to. I still miss her sometimes. There are a lot of things I feel when I think of her but mostly it’s sadness. It took me a long time to figure this out, but I want you to know so you don’t have to take as long as I did. She didn’t grow up faster than you. Maybe she thought she was but really she just took a different path in life than you, and didn’t invite you to join her. It’s probably for the better that you didn’t go with her down that path. The second most important thing I learned from losing her is that it’s okay to miss who she was and not want to know who she is now. I see her around school sometimes and as much as I hate that we aren’t friends I don’t want to hang around with the people she does and I don’t want to become like her. I don’t think it would have turned out any better if you stayed friends, because at some point either she’d cut you off all the same or you’d realize you don’t love her like you used to, and that’s not a realization I would wish on anyone. I just want you to know that it’s okay to feel the way you do about her. You are not required to love her for the person she used to be.

There are these things called “Best-Worst Decisions” that you are going to love. I only just discovered them. They are decisions that on paper would look like terrible or scary ideas but are really fun and don’t actually have bad consequences. Like that time you’ll agree to walk with S—– a block away from school to get a smoothie, only to find it closed, so you just keep walking till you hit the 7-11 about an hour away. We almost ended up late to practice but it’s the start of us being close friends (at least I consider her to be a close friend).

Finally I want to tell you how to get rid of potentially the most problematic thing I had during Freshman year. I didn’t even notice it was a problem until most of it went away during the months of solitude and I found things to be much easier afterward. Pride: You will be very proud because you think you are “righteous.” It won’t become a problem till around middle school, but you will make people uncomfortable, sometimes on purpose- as much as I hate to admit it- to try and make them do what you think is the right thing. You will think you are a better person because you follow church rules, but mostly everyone you associate with already is a good person and follows the basic rules of doing that. It is only the little things that you get hung up on or prideful about. It is not your job to decide if what they do is right or wrong. Sometimes people do small things that you know are wrong, but you have to let that slide because it is not your place to call them out or correct their behavior. Social interactions become much easier if you let go of the mentality that you are better than everyone else because they already follow most of the rules of being good people whether they know it or not.

Because that was a lot of words and even though you love books you might be getting bored by now, here’s what I’ve learned in the past year all nice and pretty with a bow around it: 

• You will enjoy piano, so start practicing.

• You sound like a dying cat on the violin but you’ll be a great flute player.
• Adam is better at some things, you are better at some things. None of his talents are worth more than yours will be.
• You are good at art. Period, full stop. Nobody, not even yourself can tell you otherwise without lying to your face.
• K—– will stop being your friend. It won’t be because of anything you did and you can miss who she was without wanting to know who she is.
• Don’t be prideful. Just because you’ve read the rules and follow them does not mean you are better than others. Most likely they already follow the rules without knowing it.

I hope you’re proud of yourself, and I love you with all my heart.

Your Future Self, E—-