It always strikes me ambiguous when people, whether it be strangers, close ones, closer than close ones, and ones that you consider to be closer than the closer of close ones, calls me special. Apologies, that run-along sentence I tried to do must be incessantly irritating. To get back to my point, when I’m referred as special, I take that as no compliment because I don’t see why it matters on why I’m special, it’s just something of unnecessary praise if you don’t include the reason. Now, in retrospect, what it matters is how I’m special. Many questions that I’ve kept insulated from this head-aching but intriguing topic is how are we different, what makes us different, how do we observe differences, is being different too much for it’s own good, all of these is just always longing in my mind.

Let’s say, for example, a terrorist of imprudent intentions gives you a challenge, high risk, no reward. For unspoken reasons, you decide to accept the challenge. You are given a piece of paper, and on that page, there’s a colorless outline of a dog. He or she, whatever makes you feel comfortable, issues you a crayon box. All you have to do is color in the dog, to make it look like a dog realistically. Easy enough, kindergartners can even do the task, unless you have some critical constraint preventing you to do so, mentally and physically. Assuming you aren’t restraint in some way that prevents you to actually color in the dog, you decide to take out the crayons out of the box to evaluate and deduct which colors or features that the crayons can contribute to your situation, in making the dog, well, a dog. What do you observe in those crayons to do so? The colors, the differences. To your oddly benevolent surprise, you realize that the crayons are covered in the manner in which you aren’t able to see the colors, essentially the differences between the crayon. You aren’t allowed to observe the tip either, which was intentionally not prescribed earlier with the scum who decided to let it unsaid for your doom. Having to random guess your colors, you could only use one random crayon for one section at a time and then dispose of it. To your impending doom, failing to see difference between the colors, essentially left you dry to which colors you could essentially use in-order to make the dog seem realistic. In the end, you had managed to strike a brown color towards the dog’s ear, which does on a margin help the point, but you used pink and neon green for the body. Ouch, that’s a victory for the opposed faction.

Emphasizing on why I had constructed this ridiculously scenario that no one in their capable and mental state would ever dare to seal the deal if they were insane otherwise, this related to an extremely similar situation that had happened to one of my family members (will keep family orientation of that person anonymous; ex. brother, sister, cousin, uncle, aunt, etc. for the sake that I don’t get found out.) Let’s call him A. Explaining this now, I had learn the news of A’s situation abroad (he lives in the Eastern States, whilst I lived in the Western States) yesterday, a reason that sparked me to ponder on this question. A was someone who was passionate and intent with what he was now, instead of always pursuing achievements or goals to make him look better, intentions to impress his family, friends, or his loved one. He wasn’t so academically perfect, but he countered that by being hard working despite his non-prodigious. He was responsible, mature, and always sought out to maintain the financial and physical needs his family before himself. He was in college, this year, he’s already going to graduate with a bachelor’s in medical or science, and seemed to be any other good son that their parents would love them pridefully. Again, we saw him like any other good son that their parents would love them for.

Although, we were fools, and to our naive conscious, we failed to see the difference in him. A week ago or two, A, under the disguise of what seemed to be a innocent and loving child, had remarks about him that made him a tad-off from his previous himself. He was stressing over his workload, wasn’t able to get in contact in with his friends since quarantine, and wasn’t able to find the fun anymore in things he used to step out of his personal bubble for. He went down the stray path to trying to suppress his stress and trying to maintain the good kid standard that we all expected out of him, and so then, he had decided to buy marijuana. It was heart-wrenching, under the mask he held, we couldn’t see the difference in which that his hand was shaking, ever so desperately wanting to release that mask and to seek instant comfort. Not even that, A had also brought his younger brother with him in a secluded place that no one could see them, and he decided to do drugs right in-front of his sibling, the one he was supposed to set a prime example for. He had gone addicted to what I heard, and his family had found his drug stash days later. The situation with him was jaw-dropping, and for now it’s kept under secret with A’s family and my two relatives most close to me, no one else knows about it. A’s family and my family saw him as like the most trustworthy out of all of the descendants, and if this had happened to him, honestly, if word got out to everyone, the adults would probably stricken their freedom on the children, including me, believing that we could go through the same fate.

To be real though, I think that’s horse dung. Despite our flaws, whether it be me, my sibling, the gold metal Olympic athletes, or that very person sitting next to you in Chemistry Class, we have a special knack for ourselves that allows us to go over mind over matter. To observe, and what’s even more special, is that we process what we observe, and then cognitively drive out a conclusion or basis to what we observe. In that process, you gather details to what you’re seeing in-order to do so, and what can details help to contribute? Differences, differences that allow you to weed out the silly, ridiculous, and impossible possibilities from the realistic and good possibilities. Being able to see the difference is extremely significant, because if you didn’t know what made something different, what’s right or wrong, what’s red or blue, what’s love or hate, then you would be going to the wrong gender bathroom, hurting someone that you didn’t mean to hurt, eating poison, driving dangerously fast, you get the idea.

Seeing with what happened with A and how it could have been prevented, I decided to take action. I decided to see the difference. Knowing someone I cared about, I decided to start with her, since she was a friend to me and I thought I had to take priority. Let’s call her B. Yes, yes, I always bullied and teased B all the time but that’s what was special about our friendship, so I decided to check on B. Yesterday, I decided to have a talk with B, perceiving them to what seems to be perfectly fine. Although taking in mind of what had happened weeks ago, I decided be a bit subtle, asking some questions to crack around an area that she might be masking under a fake smile. At first, I was a bit poor at my conversation skills, making the whole thing awkward and stuff, but, I had managed to not look like a fool after all. I was basically empty-handed in our conversation, because I kept asking about her life in quarantine, life in school, just life as if she was at the house. But when I had asked her about how her life was in the phone, it was seriously way different. She just, immediately got really aggravated to the point where it seemed like I wasn’t her friend, I was a spineless jerk. For what seemed to be years, she was cursing me out, and I was trying really badly to assure her otherwise. Some point of the conversation, I got her to finally settle down and she apologized afterwards. Then B, decided to tell me everything. Her sister’s birthday was gonna be in a week, and y’know, B, being, B, really wanted to get something meaningful to convey how much her sister means to her in all these years that they’ve spent with one another. But, her family was going through a financial situation, and her sister was just going to have to stake out with a cupcake for this year, no presents, nothing else to commemorate the occasion. B was really furious about it, and then decided to ask her parents if she could take a part-time job. Her parents denied her offer, afraid of the current circumstances of Corona and that they wanted her to focus on her academics.

B, at most, was battle-hardened and very stubborn with her passion, something that made her special out of the rest. When puts her on eye on something, you couldn’t get her to turn away until you grabbed a knife yourself and then physically blinded her. Although, I take that back, I doubt she would turn away after her eyes are gouged out because she can see it in her imaginations. the things she wanted to achieve. This could be in relation with her sister’s birthday, she really wanted to get her sister something. She reacted very maturely and respectfully to her parents and decided to calmly walk away back into her room, but in reality, she was struck with rage. In result, she went down the same stray path as A, and then decided to do something really, really questionable things, that I wished I could have asked about sooner. A had gotten hold of an account for a site, despite being a minor, that didn’t really stop her. On this sketchy and unlicensed site she was on, she posted obscene pictures of herself for money. God damn it, damn it to Satan himself, I’m still upset about this. If I could have been more careful, I could have prevented A and B from what they did. She had broke down when she did, and I comforted to the best of ability that I could. We had a long talk after that after-shock and I was able to compromise to help her wish if she could not resort to such things ever again for the rest of her life. She had deleted the account that had deleted all of her pictures permanently, and we buried the whole thing as if it never happened. Though my heart has been pricked open with a couple of needles, I’m glad I was able to spot the difference in B before she could inevitably resort to prostitution

To reel back a bit into my main point, if you have the moment and time now to observe, do it. Take action even if you believe someone is doing well or they may seem in a state of perfection, because perfect ain’t always perfect, and that sheet of blanket may deceive you if you do not look closely in what seems to be holes in the latter. I cannot stress again on how significant differences may be, because they can outline details that may seem out of place in a perfect person, allowing you to evaluate and deduct flaws and problems they may be experiencing. Whether it may be inanimate objects, yourself, neighbors, your wife, your husband, family, anyone, no matter how major or minor sometimes being comfortable with evasiveness will only increase the chances of you failing to spot differences. I can only tell you this much, the rest is only up for you to decide. If you’re wondering how A is, he’s fine now and getting help with his family. It’s only a miracle that he recovered significantly and now oaths himself to remain clean. He still plans on being able to make it to graduation and to finally lead a life of success. Things may seem bad or good, but if you just give that minute or two to peek what seem’s to be a mask. Peel it off.

Don’t you ever forget,

Difference Makes Significance.

Signing off – theinnout