I’m a junior now. My sophomore year is over and done with.

I’ve learned more than I have now during this stay at home learning than being in school. Even if I stay up till 5 AM on a day to day basis, the internet never fails to teach me something useful than knowing a unit circle or how to find the ksp in chemistry. I just absorb information better at home?

Although COVID-19 has brought pain, sadness, and many other negative feelings, it made me like school a pinch more than I did before. I was given an opportunity to learn at my own pace, rather than getting awfully stressed for no reason at all. I was also able to go on with my day without the idea that my grades were going to fail with a single assignment and any college would DENY my admission. Let’s get to the real reason why I liked distance learning much more than sitting in a desk for hours on. I just felt unhappy there.

School really affected my personality during sophomore year. I was confused, I didn’t know how to act, react or even speak to others. A “mid-youth” crisis, you could say. Learning and dealing with loads of tests and assignments just added on to my awful aura. With this crazy virus and chain and events I was able to balance everything and figure myself out a bit, away from social interactions.

Although I missed seeing my math teacher eat snacks while teaching or how my English teacher always had something fun for us planned, for my own sake, the schedule in quarantine was way easier for me to handle. I loved watching the videos my math teacher would send us to explain notes and how she would display what needed to be done each day on a document. I enjoyed the spontaneity that was shown through google slides and discussions from my English teacher. How my history teacher’s material was easier to understand and there was no way that I could fall asleep because it was on Pear deck! I could do my homework without worrying as much and go on with my day. That’s what I liked most, I had free time to think, cook, read, anything (except going outside) after I was finished. I would also like to include that videos of explanations and

Yet I didn’t like the tests. I am not a good test taker according to my SAT score. Since we were online learning, about ANYONE could cheat on a test or quiz. It didn’t make sense to me to give a student an assessment, to rely on their honesty as a human being, to not look up answers on the internet or ask friends. I was a dead dry sponge that could not for it’s life contain any water at all while taking these tests, I had not absorbed a single detail at all. In addition online learning somewhat felt like going back to school right after winter break, confusing and forgetful.

“Sure it’s super easy as I can copy down answers but I don’t learn anything or retain any information this way. Students are likely to forget basic concepts they were taught at the beginning of the school year.”

– Hannah T. & Caitlyn N.

The worst part were the zoom meetings and how the expectation to do work was still there. These meetings would be so early yet labeled “optional” (since everything was optional at this point) I just didn’t know whether to attend or not. Because it was early, I often missed it and asking others wouldn’t be the same as hearing it from the teacher. There was this “harmless act” where a student’s grade on March 13th were valid and assignments/ tests after could not lower the grade furthermore technically. Everything was “optional” and I believe half of us just stopped caring about work at all. If the school wanted us to learn, maybe not have the idea of “optional” in the picture. Also the schedule of work may have been easier to handle but I didn’t get the same experience I did when I was in school, forced to learn. The material would be drilled in my head somewhat, now the knowledge is nowhere to be seen.

School is over and I truly just feel empathy for the juniors who had to deal with online AP testing. The seniors who missed everything for being a senior, almost leaving for college. The sophomores (me) who REALLY aren’t prepared for workload later on and the freshmen who don’t get to finish their first year of high school. I know that school was a safe place for some of my other classmates and I hope they’re doing well. The meals provided by the school made me happier to know that those who depended on the school for meals got them.

On a positive note, I found my way and took the time to take care of myself. I realized that distance learning benefited me more personally than sitting in a classroom environment. I am less distracted at home than daydreaming at school for a way out. I hope things play out well in reality with the black lives matter movement happening (I hope there is reform!) and the cases lower. Stay safe if you’re going to protest or going to have social interactions! Lots of love, I’ll actually really miss writing these in my prime time (midnight). xoxo