Procrastination (noun) : the action of delaying or postponing something 

Especially since we’re in quarantine right now, procrastination has become a really big problem for me, making it hard to do homework, study, and overall focus on school. I have to literally drag myself out of bed and force myself to start assignments because if I don’t, I’ll never get anything done since I have no motivation to do anything. 

I always thought that I procrastinate because I was just lazy and that my phone was really addicting until I found out that procrastination is just the tip of the iceberg. 

In our society, we define our self worth by how productive we are, what we have been able to accomplish, and what we are capable of. We base our value on the grades that we get and our performance in school so that is why we’re so afraid of failing because if you fail, then that means that you’re worthless. 

So, that’s why we procrastinate. The root of it all is that if we procrastinate, we’re protecting ourselves because that way, if you do fail or do poorly, it is justified because you didn’t put in a lot of effort and that it doesn’t mean that you’re not talented or smart enough-you just didn’t spend enough time on it. 

Before taking a test you can always ask anyone around you and they will tell you that they are unprepared or didn’t study that much because if they fail, they can just blame it on not studying that much. 

Procrastination has been an excuse that we use to make ourselves feel better. We don’t procrastinate because we’re “too lazy”, we do it because if we really did try on something and still didn’t perform well, then we would be ashamed of ourselves, leading to more procrastinating and self destruction. 

Life is a balancing act between the drive to achieve and fear of failure. When we start to overthink things, we let that fear overcome our drive, which explains why you’re most productive when two hours before that paper is due because you don’t have time to think.  

I guess that’s why I have been struggling with procrastination so much lately. I started studying for my AP tests the day before taking them because I was scared that if I really did study hard, took hard, and still failed them that would just prove that I’m not good or smart enough.

Being in this quarantine also made me realize that I have been procrastinating on doing the things that I’ve been wanting to do too. I’d been wanting to volunteer at this place for a while but I was terrified that it would be really awkward since I didn’t know any of the people there so I decided not to do it to spare myself the embarrassment but I’ve realized that I’ve been scared all this time and it’s time that I start overcoming my fears and doing what I want to do.

I had recently listened to a podcast about a girl who had fallen from a plane into the middle of a forest and made her way out. Just like that girl, we have all been dropped into this society, growing up thinking that our value depends on such materialistic things, and it is up to us to make it out of this and finally start doing what we want. 

So, if you’re reading this, change your reality: stop procrastinating and start doing something with your life >:(. (well, after quarantine is over)

“Do one thing every day that scares you.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

*Note: it’s really hard to stop procrastinating, especially as I write this at 4 o’clock in the morning but just remember that change is gradual and every day, even the bad ones, you’re still making progress! Don’t lose hope :)*